Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to go. Maybe someone cuts us off in traffic or is rude to us at the grocery store. Maybe we don’t make the sale, maybe we or our loved ones get sick, maybe we get injured. Maybe a coworker takes credit for our work, or maybe we even lose our job. Bad things happen, and a lot of times, we can’t control that or keep them from happening, no matter how much mitigation we do.

When life throws us a curve ball, it’s normal to feel upset. We’re human and we were blessed with emotions that WILL come out. It can be incredibly tempting to reach for comfort in the form of food or alcohol, or to throw things at the wall, punch something or curse out the person who did you wrong. All of these choices might relieve the pressure we feel for a moment, but that relief vanishes quicky as we realize we just brought more problems into our life. These types of knee-jerk reactions may be habits that are ingrained, and while these habits may be hard to change, with practice, change is possible.

Personally, my knee-jerk reaction to That Bad Thing is to reach for food or alcohol, but those coping mechanisms don’t get me toward my goal of being the healthiest me I can be. I use this phrase – I will not eat nor drink my feelings – to remind myself that I don’t want to do this. And then I pick a better response from my list of healthy coping mechanisms, which I keep in a Notes app on my phone. You can create your own list that you can use when your emotions start to run high. It should be varied with things that you can do quickly, or for longer periods, indoors, outdoors, alone and with others. Some examples:

• Walk outside – down the driveway, around the block, or for a mile.
• Stand up and stretch.
• Drink a glass of water.
• Make a cup of tea.
• Cry it out – crying is a great release. As is screaming into a pillow.
• Throw rocks into the ground in your backyard or somewhere it is safe to do so.
• Call a friend.
• Paint your nails. (Not just for the ladies, gents too!)
• Take a long hot shower or bath.
• Listen to your favorite song.
• Make a playlist of songs that lift you up and keep it where you can access it (Spotify, Pandora, Apple, etc.)
• Clean a shelf or a drawer, or an entire room – cleaning is very cathartic and the end result is generally satisfying!
• Write a thank you note or a “just to say hello” note to mail to a friend or loved one.
• Journal (write your feelings down).
• Pet or play with the dog/cat.
• Watch an uplifting movie, or silly animal videos like this Animal Beatbox one.
• Go to the gym to blow off some steam, or do a home workout video. Movement helps.
• Walk around the park or neighborhood. Again, movement helps.
• Take five long deep breaths with your eyes closed.
• Save the photos on your phone to another location, even print or order prints of some of your favorites. (Yes, you can still do that!)

None of these things are intended to make the bad thing go away, diminish the problem, or solve it. BUT they are responses that can help us process difficult emotions and shift toward reacting to That Bad Thing in a healthy way. Once you have your list, keep it handy so you can refer to it easily and choose a response that keeps you moving toward your health goals. The more you choose a healthy response, the more automatic it becomes. And, full disclosure, I’m not 100% successful at automatically choosing well – I’m human, not perfect! But I’ve gotten a whole lot better with practice. You will, too.

Got a favorite healthy way to cope when the going gets tough? Share in the comments below!